I feel like my title is a dissertation subject at college that I’m writing, but bear with me it’s a good one. Being a new year I’ve set myself a resolution or we could call it a goal if you prefer. It is to consciously take time away from social media, particularly Instagram.
I run two accounts, my personal one and my work account, the more I spend on my personal Instagram the less I spend on my work account. Running the two is hard to keep balanced especially as I am sharing a lot on my personal. But I would much rather put time into my work account, it’s even more difficult to be seen on people’s feeds now especially for small businesses.
The affects that social media has on my mental health, or on anyone’s mental state for that matter is huge. Times are constantly changing, I think we need to be so aware of what we are choosing to look at.
6 years ago when Instagram was just becoming a thing, I followed people like my friends, people I knew from school days and fitness accounts. Lots and lots of fitness accounts, I was barely working out anyway but the type of mindset I was in was a bad one. I had in my head that I needed to look like these girls who completely dedicated their days to working out. Before I go on let me say I think it’s amazing that people can do that, I would love to be that person. But I’m not, and it made me feel even worse about myself that I didn’t look like that. So everyday when I woke up I would reach for my phone, scroll on Instagram and see girls with these incredible physiques and that was engrained in my brain before I had even got out of bed. I was basically setting myself up for the day to feel rubbish, it didn’t motivate me to do better it had the opposite effect. Beauty and fashion bloggers, supermodels, models in general, I was following all these kind of accounts… why? To make me feel more inadequate about myself and wonder why I didn’t look like those people. Thinking that they must be so happy because their lives seem amazing, you know the kinds, the ones that are in an infinity pool in the Maldives or the jungle in Bali with their boyfriend who has just proposed with thousands of rose petals everywhere. You get the jist, it seems ‘perfect’ and you wonder why your boyfriend hasn’t done that for you. Maybe he doesn’t love you enough you think? We’ve all been there with thoughts like that, it’s what the internet does to our brains. It makes other people’s lives seem better than our own.
The difference in me then to now in terms of social media is I don’t follow any accounts that don’t serve a purpose to me. One day I stopped following all fitness accounts and I cringe now when I see any pop up on my feed. I mean if those accounts motivate you to do better then yes absolutely go ahead, but if they have the opposite affect and actually make you feel bad about yourself. The bloggers/influencers whatever you want to call them that I do follow - there are very few - I find them relatable or I like their fashion or hair & they are quite down to Earth. Obviously now I’m a Mum so it’s good to follow people I find similar to me. The honest accounts, the ones that say yep I’ve had a pretty crappy day today, or the kids have been too much today and you can go ‘yeah I feel you, I’ve had those days’. I love body positivity accounts, the ones with an imperfect perfect body, that normalise normal body’s. I’m allllll for that, and the every day life of being a parent. All these things relate to me, and of course the accounts who advocate for Down Syndrome.
However, there is a lot of negativity in that for me, with following the DS accounts. I may be the first to speak up about this, someone may have done before me but I feel it’s something that isn’t said. I struggle to watch a lot of the accounts & Facebook groups. Right now this moment in time I’ve deleted Facebook app off my phone too. It’s become too much for my head to handle, I am protecting myself by not looking at any of the groups. It’s amazing to see all the wonderful things children are achieving and doing, always puts such a smile on my face. I just know a child with DS is not limited to anything, that they can achieve whatever they wish with a little bit of work. It is the health side for me, seeing posts about children struggling, whether they have been in hospital, or heartbreaking to say death. We all have our own stories from birth to now, and sometimes it does help someone else sharing them. Sometimes it can be a trigger for anxiety or PTSD.
I find I fall into a rabbit hole of reading up about the affects of vaccinations and medications for children with DS, then the absolute fear and anxiety that goes on in my head is too much. I feel ill from the worries and being torn with what I agree with, or what I should agree with. For someone who has dealt with anxiety since a young age, having a child with health needs does make it spiral for me at times. So with the likes of social media & all the benefits it does have because there are plenty, it comes with some very hard and serious disadvantages for others.
Both men and women are affected by social media, whether they are completely aware of it or not. A lot of the time I think it has a subconscious effect on us all if you do use it. It could be that you’re envious of someone else’s body, hair, looks, home, relationships, the way they parent, the skills they have. The list is endless. Just remember Instagram is a highlight reel of that individuals life, of course there are accounts out there which are very different to that. One’s that are in fact showing a very raw insight into that persons life, ones which I have seen are those who have children who may have health conditions and are very sick. For those particular people they don’t show highlight reels, well in a way they do and may show a brief moment where their child is happy and playing. That could be the only moment that day which their child engaged with them, and it’s a highlight. But all those other minutes of the day where the parent may have felt helpless or engrossed in their hospital life are not shown. The thoughts and feelings that run through their head and the emotionless look on their face is hidden from the camera.
The same goes for those people who you may feel envious about. The one’s you go on Instagram to look at but hate at the same time, because people do that, I don’t know the science and the why’s behind it but they do. Or the people you follow and don’t hate on but wish you had a day like their’s, that your day was mundane compared to their’s. For example, If you are having a rubbish day and looking through someone else’s highlight reel, and you skip from story to story and think wow my day really has been shit. You are watching stories of this woman who’s been up since 5am, cleaned the house, washed, dressed and blow dried her hair, got all the kids dressed and out the door with an amazing packed lunch for a day full of fun to meet friends. But what you don’t know is that she’s not slept a wink all night because her husband has been having an affair and she knows. That is a made up example but I assure you it happens, and I’m just using the husband as an example that although many lives seem perfect but they are not.
You can have all the riches, a beautiful home, your health, a family, and a job but still not be happy. That’s down to that person to find out why they are not happy or seek professional help if it’s deeper than that. But to the online world they may have millions of people envious of their seemingly perfect life, but that’s not going to give them happiness.
My point is to focus on you and you only. We are all guilty of it, I’ve had to check myself a few times particularly when seeing or looking at other people’s houses online. As we are in limbo waiting on our own home and having been living at my Mum’s for nearly a year.
At a time like this when the country is in yet another lockdown, many parents are having to homeschool again, and some juggle working as well our mental well-being is so important. Many of us are in a fragile state, and having the pressures of being online and keeping things looking perfect is too much. I know for small businesses like myself that keeping your online presence going is difficult especially when you’re demotivated and feeling deflated. Protect yourself, take time offline, it will be good for your mind.
For some the internet is an outlet, one that has saved them for their own personal reasons which is amazing. There are many positives to Instagram, I started using it to document my difficult journey from pregnancy to motherhood. It’s brought me a whole new community of support, one that still amazes me. It’s given me an amazing friend, one I never knew I needed. It’s made me find normality in a lot of things during my motherhood journey, I’ve focused on the honest accounts and ones that I can relate to rather than ones that I aspire to be. I love that my own platform I can use to ask questions, get advice and always get lots of lovely replies. My account was about my particular journey and advocating for the Down Syndrome community, but it’s not just about Polly it’s about me as well. I just use it according to my mood, and what I feel like posting. Although Polly is number 1 on my gram, my followers like to hear from me too which I love so thank you for always listening!
The quotes I have put in that was left on my Instagram account from some of my followers, were just some of the responses I got and they are just awful and heartbreaking to read. I feel like I want to reach out to every individual to help them, but I am trying to do that on a wider level. I hope that by reading this blog it makes you realise that so many of us are in the same boat with social media. Whatever it is that we focus on looking at in others and feel like we lack in ourselves, please know if you are that person you are not alone. That the person you are looking at may have something they feel unhappy about and that they are lacking in. It’s a vicious circle, I really hope that you can understand that. Maybe it’s time for you to take time out of social media, the hours you spend scrolling can be put into something productive. Something that serves you a purpose and you will soon see those doubts you have about yourself disappear. You don’t need to post any photos of productivity and what you have been up to, it’s not needed.
You do you, and watch you shine.
I asked my followers what affects does Instagram have you on mentally/physically & these were some of the many quite heartbreaking replies to be honest.
““lack of confidence”,
“makes me dislike the way I look more and more on a daily basis”,
“I feel anxious and paranoid about what I post and who is looking”,
“pressure”,
“it drives me crazy!! I loose sleep over what to post next or if it’s interesting/relatable”
”I forever compare how many likes my photos get compared to others”
“that I don’t do enough activities with my children”
”men think we should look like Instagram models”
“it’s so fake”
“pressure to always look good and dolled up”
”being separated from my husband it’s a reminder of what I no longer have”
“makes me feel so shit about myself as a woman, mum and girlfriend”
”comparing - thinking everyone life’s perfect”
“I feel I have to be perfect all the time”
“sometimes makes me depressed especially with lack of accessibility e.g captions”
“makes me think I’m ugly”
“that I am never enough and can’t ever keep up””
